


Come Home to Me

by ParadifeLoft



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gem cultural baggage all over the place, Gen, Projection, Spoilers for Episode: s05e18 A Single Pale Rose, unreality, yes the kind of subby undertones are intentional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 21:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14724167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParadifeLoft/pseuds/ParadifeLoft
Summary: Jasper is haunted by the knowledge of just how deeply and inescapably the imperfections in her nature run.





	Come Home to Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written to go with an angst/dark prompt list on tumblr, for "Who could ever love a monster like you?".

She floated, bodiless again after a brief moment of freedom, in a soft pink haze.

The place, if you could call it that, was the same prison she’d been enveloped by once already until – barely moments ago, moments packed together in a flurry of action until they seemed too full for their true span. The only difference now ( _everything was different_ ) was the renewed clarity of her mind. Sharp, lucid, lucent, all the facets connecting now as they should, perfect as the day she’d emerged, no longer cracked and warped like her sister –

– no. She had never been perfect, no matter what they all might have thought; this entire planet and anything that came from it was stained by some vein of imperfection. Not simply the ignominy of politics and failed conquest, she knew now, but something worse; a flaw in the entire Authority, spreading from its weakest link through all she touched.

Corruption was a power of the Diamonds, after all.

Jasper was not conscious of time passing, here contained in just her gem, but her rage didn’t need time for her to be aware of it. A fury, hatred, disgust, suffusing every bond that made her, trying to claw its way out of her confining bubble to explode in a shower of violence. She wanted to scream.

And she had no form here, but a wild, shattering sound ripped forth from her throat nonetheless. She curled down into herself, wishing she could stop it, wishing that – that _human mockery_ – had never returned her mind.

A weight, a presence seemed to settle down on her shoulders as she thought of it, and Jasper raised her head to look – a figure had shimmered into the light. To think of her was to summon her, here.

Truth grabbed hold of her reflexes, and Jasper did what she would never have in life.

The salute she crossed her arms into, the submission, prostrating herself, filled a hole and completed her in a way she couldn’t even remember. So different from the substitute she’d served almost all her life (which was satisfactory, but never _enough_ ) – this was the one she’d been _made_ for. The one she’d barely known. Something like love welled in Jasper’s chest, and if only she _didn’t look up_ , it wouldn’t be _ruined_ –

She didn’t have the strength in her.

And though she could feel the strength, the mantle of her Diamond all around her – all she could see was the form of Rose Quartz.

“Do you understand now why you were wrong?” Rose asked. She spoke with the same voice, the same, look, that she reserved for all the gems she had recruited to her cause. All her _weak_ gems.

They had always been enemies, and Rose had never looked at her like that.

(They had _never_ been enemies, and her Diamond had never looked at her at all.)

“All I ever did was to serve you,” Jasper said, almost frantic, unable to stop the cracks in her voice any more than she could stop the tears blurring her eyes. And she knew it was a lie. “My Diamond…”

 _How could you??_ she wanted to scream, _how could you use us like this, all of us made for you, who would have done anything for you – how could you demand the one thing we couldn’t do –_

Because she was every bit a failure as the Crystal Gems. She rejected the authority of her Diamond. (Her Diamond was corrupt, and so such was everything that came from her – and only a corrupt gem could say as much, couldn’t she!)

Rose Quartz simply looked down at her, still with that look of pity, and shook her head. “I’m not your Diamond any more, Jasper. And maybe I never was. My sisters made you to fight for Pink, but at that point, maybe Pink was as much a lie as Rose was.”

She knelt, until her gaze was level with Jasper’s; she reached out with both hands to cradle her face. Jasper flinched back, shuddering with a sickness at the perverseness of such false equality. Jasper ought to wrench herself away, knock her head back and shove her away. She ought to do none of those things; she could never harm a Diamond. She couldn’t move.

“But don’t you see?” the form of Rose continued. “That’s the point. We don’t _have_ to be what anyone else made us. And I will love us all, just the same. For being what we want to be.”

The fire of Jasper’s rage reignited as she heard those words, and instinct allowed her to do what her conscious mind couldn’t condone. Rose cried out as Jasper smashed into her head, flailing to catch her balance as she stood, putting backwards distance between the pair of them.

“What I _want_ to be is your Jasper! My Diamond’s perfect Quartz soldier! And that’s the _one thing_ you – _couldn’t – let – me – be!_ ”

Her chest heaved with the force of her screams, the gasping breaths she tried to hold in; and the image of Rose Quartz, knocked back to the floor, flickered and glowed as it re-formed, standing, wearing a haughty, imperious glare, as Pink Diamond.

Pink Diamond looked down at Jasper like she were worthless and disgusting as the lowest organic creature, filth and structureless dirt. “Of course not,” she sneered, and oh, this was worse, worse than pity, the farthest estimation possible from the respect she’d been granted by the falseness that was Rose Quartz. Jasper could feel herself growing smaller, growing misshapen, by the moment. Under such awful pressure.

“How could I ever want your service? A gem too broken to even realise her nature, to think she could stand amongst the legions of Homeworld like an equal? To be _better_ than them? You’re a monster. And nobody could ever want a monster like that. No _Diamond_ could ever love that.”

The tiny, shrunken remains of Jasper’s form quivered, and cracked - and the vision broke apart. Jasper winked out of existence. Her Diamond shattered, and even the splinters faded.

The hazy, pink world was formless once again.

Just a gem, and a bubble, and the faintest echo of a sob.


End file.
